Boston Red Sox

It’s one day before the season opener, 2009. 

High above the streets of Boston, in a dimly lit office late at night, Theo Epstein sits alone at his desk. The door is locked, the curtains behind him are drawn, and before him on the desk there lies a single sheet of paper: folded once, dog-eared, and faintly yellowed from five years in a locked drawer. 

Here's a suggestion.

To make room for players who truly belong in the Hall of Fame, like Bert Blyleven, Tommy John, and Andre Dawson, let's toss out the members who, unaccountably, inexplicably, mysteriously, achieved "immortality."

How's that for a neat piece of revisionist history?

No need for comparisons between players from different eras.

No need to adjust earned runs averages or batting averages.

No need to employ a laundry list of sabermetrics to quantify a player's worthiness.

Just employ a little common sense.

Please.

Curt Schilling announced his retirement yesterday, which immediately begs the question of whether he belongs in the Hall of Fame.

No.

There, now that the suspense is gone, let me explain.

There are really only two arguments for Curt Schilling going to the Hall of Fame. These are, in the order of their importance:

Even in a meaningless Spring Training game, the greatest rivalry in the history of sports provided an exciting match-up on Tuesday night. The New York Yankees edged their arch-rivals, the Boston Red Sox, by a score of 7-1.

In a game that may be forgotten before writers' heads hit their pillows tonight, A.J. Burnett showed Boston no spring training mercy.

Consistently pounding the strike zone with an eye-popping breaking ball and a 95 mile-per-hour heater, Burnett made sure that the Red Sox lineup will not sleep quite as soundly.

Boston's socks began to take on a shade of green by the end of Burnett's outing, as they became envious of the Yankees new flamethrower.

In Derek Jeter's second at bat, he blooped a down-and-away knuckler from Tim Wakefield to short right-field, but Teixeira followed him grounding into a 5-4-3 DP.

Here are the lineups:

YANKEES
Johnny Damon LF
Derek Jeter SS (welcome back)
Mark Teixeira 1B
Hideki Matsui DH
Jorge Posada C
Robinson Cano 2B
Xavier Nady RF

There are certain iconic phrases and images whose mere mention will produce galvanized memories among most. 

The line "I'll be back" makes us all think of Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator."  The phrase "Do you believe in miracles?" is forever screamed in Al Michael's excited register and in reference to the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team. 

Unless you have lived in a cave since the late 1990s, the image of a bloody sock makes you think of Curt Schilling.

Today, Schilling announced his retirement.