Drayton McLane

Ok, so I've spent a few blog postings whining about how Houston Astros owner Drayton McLane knows as much about baseball as ESPN columnist Rick Reilly (who famously has whined about how boring baseball is despite getting euphoric about that wonderful cure for insomnia, golf). I've also worried about Houston's off-season moves and how creamed cauliflower will have a better 2010 than the 'Stros will.

Today, we take an acrostic look at what Richard Zowie (that's me) thinks will happen to the Astros in 2010:

If you're a Houston Astros fan who would love to see hard-throwing lefthanded Cuban pitcher Aroldis Chapman wearing an Astros uniform, you'll most likely be very disappointed.

Right now, it looks like Jose Valverde has a far better chance of re-signing with the Astros (something he almost certainly won't do) than the 'Stros do of acquiring the defecting Cuban pitcher.

LaTroy Hawkins is gone, having left the Houston Astros for the Milwaukee Brewers. Jose Valverde's all but gone; any day now, I expect to hear of some other team signing him. He won't be back in Houston, simply because the Astros feel he's too expensive and too much of an investment.

So to replace these two pitchers, the Astros have acquired to new pitchers.

I think I'd have a much easier time trying to correctly interpret David Lynch's film Eraserhead than I would trying to understand what the Houston Astros front office is up to these days.

For those not up on cinematic issues, Lynch has never publicly commented on the interpretation of his 1977 horror/fantasy/sci-fi/drama, only to say that of all the guesses fans have made, nobody's ever come close to its true meaning.

I must admit: When it snowed last week in Houston, I thought something had happened.

You know, hell had frozen over because the Houston Astros of the Drayton McLane Era were finally on the road to making great baseball decisions and building a team that will be taking champagne showers in a few years.

Gone would be the heartaches of 1980, of Bob Knepper running out of gas in Game Six of the 1986 NLCS, and of Houston's flat performance in the 2005 World Series.

False alarm, apparently.

Recently, I took Richard Justice of the Houston Chronicle up on his offer to "fix the Astros", and what came out of my research and conclusion was that the Astros could feasibly win in 2010 .

Building and maintaining a consistent winner in baseball is one of the hardest things to do in all of sports. In football, basketball, and hockey rosters can completely change over within the course of two or three years.

The economics of baseball don't allow such turnover to take place. Guaranteed contracts and no-trade clauses tie a team to player regardless of performance or injury. While reconfiguring the economics of the game is an entirely different discussion, the Houston Astros are one of the teams most affected by the current set up.

Now that the World Series is over, we are now in the free agency period of baseball. It reminds me a little of the climax of Christmas and the letdown of the "After Christmas" sales that tell us that the season of excitement is all over. (Granted, there are those who will use the huge After Christmas discounts this year to do their Christmas 2010 shopping).

Looking at the press conference photo of Brad Mills being named the new manager of the Houston Astros and watching Ed Wade and Drayton McLane look like they're playing tug-of-war with Wade's jersey, I see something very fitting.

The Terry Francona disciple and former Boston Red Sox bench coach will wear jersey no. 2 with the Astros.

You know: 2, as in second choice.

Mills was named manager after the 'Stros first choice, Manny Acta, decided to take his act to the Cleveland Indians.

Lately, the Houston Astros have been hosting a game show. Haven't you heard?

It's called, "Who Wants to Be the Houston Astros Manager?"

Apparently, Bob Melvin and Manny Acta really do . And, of course, so does a motley cast comprised of the likes of Phil Garner, Dave Clark and several others.