In the 1996 sports comedy Space Jam—still easily the best movie ever to feature Porky Pig and Patrick Ewing—a group of aliens led by Danny DeVito steals the powers of various NBA players to construct a hybrid dream team.
That's our purpose here, sort of. Except instead of using basketball greats, we'll be sapping strengths from MLB pitchers. And DeVito isn't involved.
What makes a great pitcher? For our purposes, let's break it down into five essential elements: velocity, durability, off-speed/breaking stuff, command and mechanics.
By limiting each category to just one current starting pitcher, we're necessarily omitting some of the game's elite stars (hello, Jake Arrieta) and including at least one lesser name (what's up, Phil Hughes).
We're also leaving off relievers, so no flame-throwing closers or slider-slinging setup men.
The point of the exercise isn't to list the five best pitchers in baseball. It's to figure out what attributes we could mix and match, Space Jam style, to form the ultimate Frankenhurler.
Grab a stick, slap on some pine tar and dig in when ready—if you dare.
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