Who out there still thinks Major League Baseball is genuinely troubled by steroids and performance-enhancing drugs?
I hope not too many hands are being raised.
Don't get me wrong—MLB knows it has a problem on its hands and PEDs are the source, but the suits only believe the issue to be skin-deep. It's a matter of public relations damage control and nothing else.
Spin.
Moral obligation to society? Ethical duty to protect the record books?
How about health? Sanctity? The kids? Surely you can't be serious.
Those trivial little annoyances have no sway on the power brokers atop the Show. This is about cheddar, baby. Scratch, scrilla, dinero, moolah, big green. It's about money and nothing else.
PEDs didn't become the boogeyman until the fans started grumbling about all the guys getting nabbed and the other indicators that were growing too obscene to ignore. Only when Bud Selig and his henchmen started losing sleep to nightmares filled with growing hostility and shrinking crowds did baseball act.
And it's been a dog-and-pony show thus far.
Don't give me the heightened scrutiny and extended vacations handed to "offenders." It has been beaten to death—human growth hormone is apparently the fountain of youth and it can only be detected through blood tests.
In other words, there continues to be a loophole in the PED policy the size of Barry Lamar Bonds' dome.
Nope, it's been more about throwing some well-timed headlines at the scandal, some token shifts in policy, and then the waiting game. Shove enough activity in front of the mics and cameras, the public will get bored and move on the next bit of titillation.
At least that's what they're hoping.
For those doubters still out there, I offer the latest piece of evidence: the impending return of Manny Ramirez.
You read that correctly—Manny gets to come back to professional baseball on June 23rd. Back when the SoCal slugger was suspended 50 games for violating MLB's banned substance policy, all reports had him returning to pro ball in July—the third as it stands today.
Turns out, nobody read the fine print. Turns out, Ramirez actually gets to face men paid to play much earlier. As in tomorrow.
Calmate, Dodger fans.
You don't need to cue up the Los Angeles defenses. This isn't about your Bums and a pretense to take a swing at some perceived competitive advantage. I couldn't care less about Man-Ram getting up to speed in the minors for what it means to the big club.
First, I don't believe for a hot moment the bus leagues will be any more of a tune-up for a diva like Ramirez than taking throws from some Dominican dandies in his native land. Forget "game conditions" because the concept requires that the player involved buy into them as "game conditions."
This is a guy who doesn't necessarily buy into the idea at the highest level, so I'm skeptical he'll be impressed with anything less.
For another, have you been watching the Dodgers lately?
Shoot, at this point, the only hope for the National League West seems to be Manny Ramirez returning to the boys in blue and upsetting the whole apple cart. Seriously, Los Angeles' Senior Circuit representative is cruising and the enhanced slugger's replacement (Juan Pierre) has been no small reason for the rampage.
In a perversion of common sense, I'm eagerly anticipating the volatile star's return.
At a minimum, the fall-out from the positive test will be a distraction in the clubhouse. Whether the distraction materializes on the field is the only question.
So, I don't blame you for your paranoia, but this isn't about my inherent bias as a San Francisco Giants fan—I don't see how the Dodgers could play better so, by process of elimination, any ripple caused by Ramirez's return can only slow them down.
This is purely about my deep, visceral loathing for hypocrisy and deceit born of arrogance and greed, especially from public leaders.
Especially when that "leader" is Bud Selig.
This is the "man" who basically refused to acknowledge Barry Lamar Bonds' mere existence when the Giants' left fielder was making his chemically-enhanced assault on history. In an open show of disdain for BLB (and implicit one for PEDs), Selig found better things to do than to witness No. 756 in-person.
I think he mustered a phone call once the record had fallen. Bravo, Thud.
The subsequent years have seen and heard clip after clip from Slimy Selig condemning PED-use as well as the fruits of such tainted labors. Simultaneously, the crowned-clown has tried to flip the script—to cast himself as the helpless conscience while machinations beyond his control took Major League Baseball down the pharmaceutical road.
It's all nonsense, each and every lying syllable of it.
Because, not only is the show's latest offender and biggest attraction coming back earlier than first reported, it's an event.
Hey, Minor League dollars are worth the same as Major League ones—they're just fewer of 'em. But, in these economic times, every bit helps.
I don't know whether MLB gets to share directly in the Albuquerque Isotopes' windfall (did that team exist before The Simpsons episode?) or whether it all goes to the affiliate. I do know the Bigs will benefit financially from getting Manny Ramirez back on the professional field as soon as possible.
From exchanging his wares for your dollars at the earliest conceivable moment.
You know why I'm so confident?
Because Manny Ramirez makes his return to professional baseball tomorrow. And the Dodgers have only played 41 games since his suspension began.
Either the money will trickle up to the Bigs or the interest generated will and monetary reward will follow.
Bud Selig must be so distraught—here he is, powerless again to stop the ill-gotten gains of performance-enhancing drugs. I mean, it's Minor League Baseball.
How can the commissioner of Major League Baseball hope to have influence on that? And I'm sure he so desperately wants to.
Poor guy.
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