Look, it's one thing when you flip on the local coverage of a local ballclub. In those situations, you can stomach the Hawk Harrelsons, Bob Brenlys, and the rest of the clowns who only have eyes for the home dugout.
Personally, I prefer my broadcast booth to play it closer to the middle—give me sound analysis of both uniforms, keep it entertaining, and mix in a subtle air of hometown loyalty.
For my money, the San Francisco Giants have two of the best in the business—Duane Kuiper and Mike Krukow.
I mention this because it shows (A) I'm well aware I've been spoiled by excellence; and (B) I'm safely ensconced in my home market (the SF Bay Area) so I get to see Kruk and Kuip on a daily basis. But I'm one of the lucky ones in this regard—there's no need to subject myself to the arbitrary torture of most national broadcasts.
I can get my Orange and Black fix straight from the horses' mouths.
Others aren't so fortunate. If you live out of market and can't afford or can't otherwise establish remote access to your closest source, you must rely on the benevolence of the television scheduling puppet masters for a chance to enjoy your team of choice.
If you happened to be a Giant die-hard outside the commodious confines of the City and its suburban sprawl, Saturday was one of those moments when said puppet masters smiled on you.
Briefly.
The Gents were taking on the hated Los Angeles Dodgers in the wake of the Manny Ramirez performance-enhancing drug cluster fornication and FOX Sports had the game for you (or at least it would've had the Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays not been the featured game for most markets—work with me).
Unfortunately, the puppet masters then decided it'd be funny to take a big dump all over you by assigning color commentary for the game to Eric Karros.
That would be the same Eric Karros who played 1755 games over a 14-year career in Major League Baseball.
On the one hand, that makes him supremely qualified for the job of analyzing a pro baseball game. On the other hand, Karros shouldn't have been anywhere near the booth.
See, Eric spent 12 years with LA and played in 1,601 games for the Bums. He spent an additional three years in the organization's minor-league system and was one of a string of National League Rookies of the Year for the Dodgers.
So, yeah, Eric Karros is a Los Angeles Dodger through and through (even grew up in Southern California).
He's one of those guys Angelinos love because he bleeds beautiful Dodger blue. And because he made a habit of killing the Giants throughout his career.
Yet, there he was Saturday on FOX Sports' national telecast of the Giants-Dodgers game. In a shocking twist I'm sure no one saw coming, Karros spent a good deal of the afternoon blasting away at the Giants every chance he got.
There were little things—like when Eric tore at Juan Uribe for swinging at the first pitch while leading off an inning after Jonathan Sanchez had labored through the Dodgers' half. Sure, Uribe made a mistake and Karros correctly nailed him for it—gotta give your pitcher some extra rest there.
Of course, we had just come from the Dodger half-inning that had seen Eric Stults (the Bum pitcher) ground out on a 3-1 count with one out, and runners on second and third in a 2-0 ballgame. The Giants' southpaw was walking the stadium, yet the LA pitcher is swinging 3-1 in a close game with ducks on the pond.
An atrocious decision on which Karros didn't even comment, let alone criticize.
A silence made all the more deafening because, prior to the Stults at-bat and subsequently, all Karros could talk about was how putrid the Giant lefty's control was—forget that the fact was painfully obvious to everyone watching the game.
It doesn't take a genius to notice almost every batter is finding himself in a 2 and 0 or 3 and 1 sweet spot.
I understand you have to point out a key development in the game. You don't have to point it out every freakin' pitch. Or do it every pitch, but them call the Bums on their failure to pay attention.
And maybe throw in a tiny little whisper about how small the strike zone was for Sanchez (the bad outing was on Jonathan, but he was getting squeezed a bit).
The one, brief stretch Sanchez found a nice groove? Karros switched to slamming the SF offense (another easy target).
You might say Eric Karros is just a critical person, that he simply overlooked the Stults blunder since LA was winning the game.
Except, later in the game when San Fran was flirting with crossing the plate and Orlando Hudson made an embarrassing error to extend a scoring threat (just flat out dropped a throw from Casey Blake), Karros tried to convince us catching a baseball can actually be really tough for a pro second baseman.
One with three Gold Gloves.
Meanwhile, Karros had NO problem eviscerating Freddie Lewis for striking out so much in his young career. Apparently, Karros requires SF to hit .300 while keeping Ks to a minimum before its doing an adequate job, but LA doesn't even have to catch the ball.
It got worse.
Obviously, the Manny situation was a common theme. What I couldn't believe is that Eric Karros was actually arguing FOR Ramirez being an All-Star if voted in by the fans. Hey, he's a fun-loving guy and the LA fans want to see him so he should get to go if he gets enough votes. Made me want to PUKE (and I kinda liked Karros until Saturday).
Or how about the way the former first baseman was hyping Juan Pierre?
Again, I get it—Pierre has been the consummate professional and represents the heart-warming yang to Man-Ram's soul-crushing yin. But good LORD!
Karros kept referencing the guy like he was the second-coming of Ty Cobb or Pete Rose or even Ichiro. It was obscene. Stults had a perfect game through four innings (never mentioned) and all we got was how amazing Juan Pierre is.
Unreal.
As was Karros' assertion that Ramirez' hot test saved the Giants' season.
According to Eric, San Francisco was already writing off the division pursuant to LA's hot start. But, now that Manny's gone for 50 games, SF has new life. The Giants actually believe they have a second chance, that they can get back in this thing.
Wait...what?
When Ramirez got suspended, the Dodgers were 21-8 with a comfortable five-game lead (in the loss column) on the 13-13 Giants. So, according to Eric Karros, SF was done because of a five-game deficit 29 (or 26) games into a 162-game season. That's right—not even a quarter in and it was already over.
Wow. I guess we really are lucky Manny's one of the biggest moron's on the face of the planet. I mean, it clearly salvaged San Francisco's year.
Before I conclude, let me say that Eric Karros knows baseball. He knows the game and communicates it effectively. I actually like him in the studio because he slaps Kevin Kennedy from time to time (there's a real horse's ass).
And none of the individual observations he made on Saturday was patently absurd (even the comments about Hudson's error—the ball may very well have been coming out of the seat glare).
Individually.
Taken together, however, they accumulate to an inexcusable afternoon. And Karros knew it.
You could tell he was fighting the urge to beat up the Giants because he'd send a forced compliment SF's way or critique in the Bums' direction when he realized it wasn't a Chavez-Ravine-only audience. Unfortunately, Karros spent a good deal of the nine innings in blissful ignorance of that fact.
But I don't blame him—what the hell do you expect?
Hey, put me in a booth for a SF/LA showdown and I can pretend to be impartial. I can even make an effort (as Karros did), but, at the end of the four hours, you can bet the farm listeners/watchers will have the distinct impression I prefer the Giants.
And I didn't suit up in the Orange and Black for over a decade. I never actually participated in the blood rivalry on the field. I never delivered the coup-de-gras to LA with a splinter—something Karros has done to SF.
Nope, this one rests squarely on the shoulders of the powers-that-be.
Luckily, we've still got the radio.
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