When did Theo Epstein become so smug?
If you listen to the Boston GM these days, his off-season moves were just short of scintillating and have the Red Sox poised for a big run in 2010.
He's either had too much to drink, or if he doesn't, he needs to down a couple real quick.
Who exactly was Epstein bidding against when he secretly (and, from the way he talks about it, cleverly) crafted that five-year, $82-plus million deal with sore-armed pitcher John Lackey? Who gives a 31-year-old pitcher who missed parts of the prior two seasons with elbow problems an obscene, five-year contract?
Except for his rookie year, Lackey pitched the fewest innings of his eight-year career in the last two seasons.
This guy is a bad bet to make it through his first season in Boston without an arm issue, let alone be pitching at a top level five years down the road.
And, other than giving Epstein and the Red Sox a hometown discount after the 2007 season, what has Mikey Lowell done to deserve a "See ya later, alligator?" You'll remember that Lowell could have gotten an additional year and more money to go with the Phillies but chose to stay in Boston.
Thanks, Mike. Now, since you figure to be fully healed from your hip surgery (and likely to be sitting on a big season, at the plate and in the field), let's give you away for a bucket of balls. And, oh yeah, we'll even pay nearly all of your salary while you have a terrific year for some other team.
And the guy who is going to replace a healthy Mike Lowell? I'm sorry, Theo, it's not a rusty swinging gate like Adrian Beltre. The guy flails at more strikes out of the zone than he does at ones over the plate! Sure, he may hit some home runs with that close-his-eyes-and-let-it-rip swing, but don't look for him to get a clutch walk or a tough, two-strike at-bat where he slaps the ball the other way for the winning RBI.
Another clever move, Theo! But, we remember, you have a long history of clever moves.
You didn't re-sign Orlando Cabrera after he was the best shortstop in years during the run to that improbable World Series victory in 2004. He made every routine play and several spectacular ones in the field—and he hit once in a while, too.
Instead, you got big eyes and went for a guy who didn't even wait until the pressure built over the season to wilt. Edgar Renteria collapsed right out of the gate—at the plate and in the field.
Instead of having Cabrera, who would still own the position, the Red Sox have had, what, nine shortstops since? And are still searching!
Then there's the long-term deal for J.D. Drew. How's that working out, that $14-million-a-year ballet dancer who pirouettes so prettily when he swings but rarely makes contact or exhibits a heartbeat?
His agent, Scott Boras, predicted that Drew can "steal a base for ya, too." When exactly? Won't he hurt his back?
Boras is also the agent for Beltre. Does Boras decide who plays for the Red Sox?
With that check-me-out swing, Drew is more of a threat to lead the league in popups than anything else.
Then there were the signings of pitchers John Smoltz and Brad Penny before last season. Theo, did you notice those guys pitched better after they went to other teams and got away from your pitching coach, John Farrell?
Can't Farrell figure out how to get Dice-K to "command his fastball?" If Dice-K stops overthrowing his fastball, his control will improve and he won't have to throw so many bad breaking balls!
Hitting coach Dave Magadan doesn't bring much to the table, either.
Will we get "Pull-Happy Big Papi" again in 2010? I'm tired of watching that. How many weak ground balls to first did Ortiz hit in 2009? 50? 100? 150? It seemed to me that he hit at least one a game.
David Ortiz was one of the best hitters in the game for years because many of his hits were to left and left-center. Isn't a hitting coach supposed to say something like, "Look, Papi, here's some tape of when you were hitting well. Notice that you wait longer on the ball and get more plate coverage when you wait and drive the outside pitch to the opposite field?"
Aren't coaches supposed to be proactive and solve problems for their players?
I'm tired of writing this kind of stuff. You're probably tired of reading it, too.
So, after being a Boston Red Sox fan for nearly 60 years, I'm going to pull the plug on my devotion and stop writing about them.
The reasons are clear: stupidity from the front office and incompetence from the managers and coaches.
Good luck, Red Sox fans. I'm afraid you are in for a long season.
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