The Simpsons Softball Team: 2009 Edition

When one begins discussing the best Simpsons episodes of all time, there are several that shouldn't be overlooked.

You can't go without "Monorail," the one where Mr. Burns finds his stuffed Bobo, or the "Itchy and Scratchy Movie."

For baseball purposes, it’s quite clear that “Homer at the Bat” is the greatest of all-time.

But this is an episode that needs to be re-made with today's players.

Honestly, nothing is more depressing than to think they should re-create the softball episode of The Simpsons with new players simply because fans barely recognize the old ones. 

Oh well, it’s still fun to discuss the top seven guys who would fill in the spots.

7. Dustin Pedroia, 2B

When making an all new Simpsons baseball team, you can’t simply go with the best players. You have to go with who is popular, who is recognizable, and who people want to watch.

Pedroia meets all of these criteria.

He has the exposure with those MLB '09: The Show commercials, which will probably "Peyton Manning" him into two or three more national spots.

Pedroia is personable, and you could still pull off a bizarre Steve-Sax-is-wanted-for-random-murders storyline with him.

6. Chipper Jones, 3B

You could go with David Wright here, but you need a veteran.

Don Mattingly made the first Simpsons all-star team, despite being the older guy, because of his cutting-the-hair storyline. They could pull off a good storyline for Jones as well.

Maybe they could say he sat out most of the last month of 2008 so he could hang onto the batting title?

5. Ken Griffey Jr., CF

Of all of the guys on the original team, Griffey is the only one who could possibly come back again, so he makes it.

Mike Scioscia might be able to come back and take over Mr. Burns’s managerial duties, but there is no way anyone else could play again, besides Griffey.

I can’ t fathom Wade Boggs being able to strap on his cleats for Springfield again.

4. CC Sabathia, P

The starting pitcher was a tough call, but you have to go with the gigantic man with two letters as a first name.

The original starting pitcher was Roger Clemens. Jose Canseco was also on the team.

Had Barry Bonds made it to Springfield as well, you would pretty much have all of the guys who started the steroid crap together as one.

Why wasn’t Bonds on the team, one wonders? I guess Matt Groening thought Darryl Strawberry was a nicer guy.

3.  Derek Jeter, SS

Ozzie Smith played the lovable shortstop on the original squad who was lost sightseeing. Now, Jeter is perhaps the most famous baseball player in the country, so he has to make the team.

They could show him refusing to give up his position in the infield, despite overwhelming evidence that he is one of the worst defensive players in the league.

It's true.

2. Albert Pujols, 1B

As if there was any doubt that a countdown involving famous baseball players would include Pujols.

Darryl Strawberry hit a ball onto a highway during the Simpsons episode and had the line “…but I have nine home runs today.”  Nothing suits Pujols better.

Except that they may have him cure a few diseases while he’s at it.

1.  Manny Ramirez, LF

Manny is made to be a cartoon character.

'Nuff said.

The Top Seven is written by Jason Major. He’s hoping to be a ballboy for the Simpsons Softball Team, 2009. Email him at jason@joesportsfan.com.