Oh dear Lord, please say it isn't true.
According to the Florida Marlins' official website, the first 15,000 fans that come to Saturday's game versus the Tampa Bay Rays will be the proud owners of miniature Marlins vuvuzelas!
The team is calling them "air horns," but don't be fooled; they're vuvuzelas.
See for yourself—visit the Marlins promotions and giveaways page and click on "Marlins Air Horn" under Saturday, June 19th.
If that's not a vuvuzela, I don't know what is.
Now, I don't know whose genius idea this was, but my bet is that it was the same guy who thought of selling the Marlins' unsold tickets to Roy Halladay's perfect game as souvenirs.
This is a bad idea, and here's why.
Attendance Problems
The Marlins have enough trouble filling the awful monstrosity that is Sun Life Stadium. Do the public relations people really think that people are going to want to stay for a game while 15,000 fans are going to town on those over-sized kazoos? No.
That's two questionable P.R. moves in less than a month. Kudos on the new stadium with the fish tanks behind home plate, though.
Irate Parents
Okay, you're going to take the kids to see the first place Tampa Bay Rays. I know how it is because I lived in Kansas City for two years and we would always try to make it to the games when the good teams came to town.
Anyway, the kids are all excited about seeing Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria, Carlos Pena—and Wes Helms, of course.
So, you get to the game, hand the guy at the gate your tickets, and what do you get in return?
Vuvuzelas! One for each one of you!
Do you know what the worst part is?
You don't just have to listen to them for three hours during the game; you have to listen to them during the car ride home and for the following week, until they mysteriously disappear or accidentally get broken.
It'll go something like this:
Dad: Oh no, what happened to your vuvuza—whatcha-ma-call-it? (If he only knew.)
Johnny: It got lost.
Dad: You can't find it? That's too bad, Buddy. (Wink.)
Johnny: It was my favorite.
Dad: I liked it, too. It was a pretty cool idea those Marlins had.
Johnny: Yeah. Do you think they'll do it again?
Dad: Maybe. (God, I hope not.)
Johnny: What could’ve happened to it?
Dad: Hey, maybe it's in your room. You should go clean it. (Oh snap, I'm clever!)
Back to the present.
See, I told you it was a bad idea. Look at all the family discord it could cause!
The point is that vuvuzelas do not belong in the stands of baseball stadiums. Baseball is supposed to be "America's pastime," and vuvuzelas are distinctly South African.
It's a simple culture clash, and baseball and vuvuzelas just don't mix.
The horns have already drawn criticism from fans at the World Cup, and a noisy fan was asked to leave a Yankees game for blowing a vuvuzela.
Officials at Wimbledon have also released a statement saying noisemakers of any kind (vuvuzelas included) will be banned from the tennis tournament.
I have this message for the Florida Marlins public relations personnel: Please, for the love of baseball and everything sacred, reconsider this ill-conceived, very poor promotional idea.
Author's Question: What would you do if you were seated near someone blowing a vuvuzela at a baseball game?
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