As a long time card collector, I've come across some of the most ridiculous names ever. Every time I buy a collection, I sort through and put the funny ones to the side. Honestly, I'm glad they exist…I mean who wants to root for a Joe Smith or Bob Jones? So every time I come home absolutely trashed from a good night of debacle, I bring out the cards and laugh until I puke, literally. Be prepared to piss your pants…
WHAT A BUNCH OF DICKS
I'm sorry but I giggle anytime I hear someone with the name Dick. A long long time ago there must have been a guy named Dick who was just such a jackass, that the name took on new meaning. I feel bad for the Dicks who are actually good guys, cause to me they are still dicks.
THE NUMBER ONE DICK
Dick Pole
Boston Red Sox (1973-1976)
Seattle Mariners (1977-1978)
He's no ordinary Dick with that last name. If I had the misfortune to be named Dick, I would definitely want this kickass name.
Used in a sentence -
"Ride that Dick Pole ladies."
THE RUNNERS UP
Dick Bass, Dickie Thon, Dick Green
NOW THAT'S JUST DIRTY
Following the Dicks are a bunch of guys who I wish they would name cities after or at the very least stripclubs. Could you imagine the Human Resources problems there would be if these guys worked in an office (some of them probably do have sales jobs these days)?
THE WINNER
Rusty Kuntz
Chicago White Sox (1979-1983)
Minnesota Twins (1983)
Detroit Tigers (1984-1985)
Hands down the best name ever. So many jokes, so little time.
Used in a sentence - "I was feeling a bit lonely so I drove down to the corner but all I saw was a bunch of Rusty Kuntz. I went home instead and broke out the lotion."
THE RUNNERS UP
Buzz Nutter, Woody Held, Pete Beathard, Boobie Clark, Pete LaCock
I SWEAR YOU WERE A GARBAGE PAIL KID
Not sure what their parents were smoking or if they just had awesome senses of humor, but with names like these, who can't love them.
THE WINNER
Wilbur Wood
Boston Red Sox (1961-1964)
Pittsburgh Pirates (1964-1965)
Chicago White Sox (1967-1978)
Alliteration at its finest, plus we get the word "wood" in there. Insert Beavis & Butthead laughs.
THE RUNNER UPS
Britt Burns, Sixto Lezcano, Steve Stonebreaker, Randy Ready, Clay Kirby, Pat Putnam, Minnie Minoso, Dick Drago, John Henry Johnson
YOUR NAME IS WHAT???
Some guys' names aren't perverted or even rhyme. They are just ridiculous and awesome at the same time.
THE WINNERS (2-way tie)
JOHNNY WOCKENFUSS
Detroit Tigers (1974-1983)
Philadelphia Phillies (1984-1985)
What's all the Wockenfuss about? The bushy haired, thick mustached Wockenfuss just screams 80's pornstar. He is what every man aspires to be. Someone please make me a Johnny Wockenfuss t-shirt.
Shooty Babitt
Oakland Athletics (1981)
His real name was Mack Neal Babitt. Even that is pretty damn funny. But somehow, someone nicknamed him "Shooty." I have no idea what it means or where it came from and for once I am extremely disappointed in the Internet.
THE RUNNER UPS
Rod Scurry (hope I didn't catch the Rod Scurry), Champ Summers, Vida Blue, Mickey Klutts, Johnnie LeMaster, Bake McBride, Doc Medich
I wanted this to be all Baseball but a few Football names made it in here cause they were just too good to leave off - Pete Beathard, come on!
I know I left off a million names here. We would love to hear some of your favorites!
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