Barack Obama

An objective observer of our two-party political system would be shocked by the exclusionary nature of the United States government.

Many liberals are quite disappointed with the way President Obama has governed so far. They are frustrated by his perpetuation of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, his lackluster environmental policies, and his complete abandonment of Single-Payer health insurance, and rightfully so (though if they had read the fine print during the campaign, this would not have come as a surprise).

In a stunning turn of events, the New York Yankees are reportedly "very close" to signing highly sought-after left-handed pitcher Barack Obama to a multi-year contract.

Pending a team physical, Obama is expected to join the team following the All-Star break.

It is currently unknown whether he will assume the starting role once held by Chien-Ming Wang—who has been on the disabled list since July 5 with a strained right shoulder—or push the struggling Joba Chamberlain back into the bullpen.