Chicago Cubs

Sports Satire by Christopher C. Wuensch

Months after a November photo revealed a drastic difference in Sammy Sosa’s now-lighter skin tone, the infamous Chicago Cubs slugger admits attempts to “desaparezca fuera de vista.”

Translation: disappear out of sight.

Early rumors flying out of the winter GM meetings in Chicago are all over the board concerning free agents, trades, and declining profits. But the most consistent noise on Monday was surrounding Chicago Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley.

Bradley? Consistent noise? Really?

The Hot Stove features one rumor being reported by a number of sources and it appears to have some legs to it. Three teams would be involved, with three players changing uniforms.

Sammy Sosa has decided to bleech his skin in honor of the recently deceased, but still talked about over and over again, Michael Jackson.

Sosa immediately denounced that this was an odd reaction to any of the "Flinstone vitamins" he took during his home run days.  

"I must first and foremost say my skin color is not due to the steroids I took for so many years," Sosa said.  "I was hoping as a white man, I'd have a better shot at the Hall of Fame."

No, it hasn't come to fruition yet, but I suspect that it's a phrase that we should all start practicing.

The Milwaukee Brewers acquired center fielder Carlos Gomez in a swap with the Twins for J.J. Hardy, relegating Mike Cameron, at least temporarily, to the ranks of the unemployed.

Sammy Sosa arrived at the Latin Grammy awards on Nov. 5, 2009 and nobody could recognize the former Major League slugger. It wasn't that he has aged and started to wrinkle, Sammy Sosa was as white as a ghost! 

Over the last few months, Sosa has become frighteningly white. Some say that this could be because of a cosmetic procedure, steroid side-effects, or even Michael Jackson's disease, also known as vitiligio. But Sosa's friends say that Sammy has undergone a procedure to bleach his skin tone.  

After the 2011 season, the Chicago Cubs will have to make a choice: keep third baseman Aramis Ramirez and purchase his club option for $16 million, or let him hit the market and buy the remainder of the contract for $2 million.

In the 40 hours or so since the conclusion of the World Series, four trades have sent nine Major Leaguers to new teams. Eight players filed for free agency, and two more were released by their 2009 organizations.

Milton Bradley, however, remains a Cub.

This is not yet a critical failing on the part of Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry. The key word, however, is "yet."

Reports out of Philadelphia Friday are that the National League Champion Phillies will not pursue an extension with Brett Myers.

Myers, once the top of the Philadelphia rotation, fell out of favor over the last couple years because of injuries and off-the-field issues. He spent some time as the Phillies closer before Brad Lidge was acquired as well.

On Friday morning, the Chicago White Sox continued moving their roster pieces around before free agency begins by buying out right fielder Jermaine Dye .

Should Chicago's other team consider adding the 2005 World Series MVP?

The Cubs are in an awkward situation with their outfield right now. They have Kosuke Fukduome, and Alfonso Soriano likely to be back, and Milton Bradley under contract but on the chopping block.