Satire

It’s like deja-vu all over again! 

The Mets adopted an unusual strategy for dealing with reporters' inquiries about K-Rod's arrest for assault last night.

Normally reserved and bashful David Wright sarcastically told reporters, "I'm surprised, K-Rod is such an even-tempered guy.  The victim is lucky Frankie didn't stab him.  I hope he stays in jail."

I'm hoping that Ollie Perez decides to walk (pun intended) away from baseball to open a hair salon so he can carve fancy lightening bolts in my sideburns, like he does with his.

He could charge $36 million dollars for a haircut.  And the same way he struggles repeating his delivery, he'd also forget how to cut hair in the middle of each cut, upon which a back-up barber would come in to finish the job.

It is hard to believe, but Jose Canseco didn't tell us the entire story.

On Friday, May 29, 2009, breaking news came that 99.9 percent of Major League umpires have failed tests for numerous types of steroids and HGH.  It is also reported that other chemicals have been found that inflame the medulla oblongata resulting in massive anger issues.

It was just a couple short weeks ago that Milton Bradley was badly bashed for his comment about umps. 

With opening day just a few short weeks away, desperate fans are handing over their first-born sons to the New York Yankees in exchange for front-row seats for opening day at the new Yankee Stadium.

"I mean, this is an historic event!" explained Joe Broncetti, a die-hard Yankees fan from the Bronx who arrived at the park with his 8-year-old son Tom in tow. 

"I've got two other children left and, really, it's one less mouth to feed," he added, rustling the hair of the boy.

“Mr. Epstein,” said the ace reliever, Jonathan Papelbon. “There is a cancer on your baseball team.”

It sounds like something out of the Nixon Administration so many decades ago.  Back then it took a brave man named John Dean to go into the lion’s den and tell the President of the United States that his Administration was suffering from a fatal disease.

A failure to act condemned Nixon and his tenure in office.