Baseball

Major League Baseball says it’s likely—read: a sure thing—that the 2010 World Series will end in November, yet again.

So why is it April 9 and we’re only in the first week of the season?

November baseball makes me wince, every time. You may as well say “cod ice cream.”

Two things, and two things only, can prevent this travesty from becoming an annual occurrence: a) shorten the season, and/or b) start earlier.

The last time the Minnesota Twins won a series in Anaheim, Rick Reed and Eric Milton were the winning pitchers.

The last time the Minnesota Twins hit nine home runs in their first four games was...never.

After dropping the season opener to the Los Angeles Angels 6-3 last Monday night, the Twins won the last three games of the series, outscoring the Angels 19-6.

Jason Heyward is a monster. He's a stud. He's a beast.

Heck, his first at-bat was a bomb that hit off the back of the Braves' bullpen.

But last night in a 2-0 loss to the Cubs, it didn't look too good.

Heyward went 0-for-4, and he looked pretty bad to me, especially in his last at-bat, when he faced Carlos Marmol in the bottom of the ninth.

The sequence was pretty simple.

Slider down and in. Heyward swings at a ball. Strike one.

Slider down and in. Heyward swings at a ball. Strike two.

All right, I'll take the Pirates' capture of their first series with two games in the "W" column, and one in the "L," which they have done in the recent past.

But it was a muted "win" that basically reeked of defeat. (And I was saying this two games ago with a reference to a "Pyrrhic" victory.)

The Dodgers outscored the Pirates, 18-17. The Dodgers outhit the Pirates 33 to 27. The Dodgers' batting average was forty-one points higher.

About the only thing they didn't do was to win the crucial, second game of the match. And it gets worse for the home team.

In the middle of trading barbs about payroll with New York Yankees president Randy (I am just along for the ride) Levine, Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio decided to use some of the money that Levine says he is giving the Brewers to lock up one of the best young pitchers in the game.

Yesterday, the Brewers signed RHP Yovani Gallardo to a five-year, $31 million extension.

Here is a breakdown of the contract:

2010: $500,000

2011: $3.25 million

2012: $5.5 million

2013: $7.75 million

2014: $11.25 million

Here’s a look at some unheralded fantasy baseball players who played well on Thursday.

Bronson Arroyo, Cincinnati Reds

Arroyo threw a gem but earned a no-decision. He gave up one run on four hits in eight innings while striking out six.

When the Phils lose, don’t get down. I’ve found that a really fun way to pass the time is to go to the pet shop, find a big cage of mice, and watch them fight for position on their wheel. Seriously. It’s hysterical. It doesn’t even take mind-altering drugs to enjoy a curious mouse getting damn near decapitated by an ambitious team on a wheel.

This is a difficult storyline to write about unless you are fine with blowing things way out of proportion.

The fact that a major league rookie hammered a three-run home run on the first swing of his career is, in and of itself, an impressive feat.

Now add a stiff mixture of the following: an incredible amount of hype that has surrounded said rookie since the beginning of spring training, followed by unbelievable expectations from peers, fans, the media, etc., and finally throw in some comparisons to Ken Griffey Jr., Hank Aaron, and Willie Mays to taste.

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that the temperature for an early season Red Sox game would break 50 degrees.

But 92 degrees with no humidity on April 7?

Can you say GLO-BAL WARM-ING?

Damn did I luck out or what? Not only did I get Red Sox-Yankees tickets, but the weather was more like August than April!

To a respectable, married, man, the Detroit Tigers are like a provocatively dressed woman.

You don’t want to look, it’s almost painful in a way, because when you do, you get reprimanded and regret it. But that opportunity to see something amazing is just so great that you can’t help but watch.

And besides, if there were no consequences to face, what would the point of looking be?