Humor

Ken Griffey, Jr. has rejoined the Mariners as a special consultant. I don't really know what a special consultant does, and there's no telling if Shannon Drayer's account tells the full story.

While Greg Johns of MLB.com reports that the role is "evolving," you need not wait further. I just got the inside scoop.

Who said the New York Mets don't know how to have a little fun?

In one of the funnier and more frivolous moves this offseason, the Mets' Class A Short-Season affiliate Brooklyn Cyclones have invited Super Bowl scapegoat Christina Aguilera to have a National Anthem do-over at MCU Park this season.

Over the past year, the nation has gotten a chance to see the hilarious actions of Brian Wilson over and over again. His appearances on the Jim Rome Show and the Letterman Show seemed to be his best material. Looks like we were wrong.

Wilson has made mention of his altered ego, a sex crazed maniac bent on domination. He calls this alternate personality "The Machine." It looks as if the Machine has struck again, and this time on the George Lopez Show.

As the title says, this is my second annual bucket list—Phillies style. I hate the redundancy of writing a totally self-explanatory title and then reaffirming the topic in my first sentence but with those darn search engines constantly looking for articles with relevance, I’m already at a disadvantage.

When it comes to blogging about baseball, I’m the master at having nothing relevant to say.

With the off season of baseball, there is a lot of time for introspection, fact-finding and fooling around.

I chose the latter of these three and decided to delve into some of the more obscure MLB stats. Baseball is heavily centered around stats and so, without further ado, here they are:

Ounces of Coke per Nostril (OCN)

HTMS Minor League Baseball Report

Pittsburgh

The Pittsburgh Pirates have announced the passing of first-round draft choice Chico Morales.

With a franchise as storied as the Yankees, it seems like there are few numbers left un-retired, or very soon to be.

With Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Alex Rodriguez, not many desirable numbers will still be left for newcomers to pick. 

It is a rite of passage for players to shed their #89 that was designated to them in the minors, for a bright, shiny No. 6 or 22. 

The current retired numbers are as follows

1-Billy Martin

3-Babe Ruth

4-Lou Gehrig

5-Joe DiMaggio

7-Mickey Mantle

8-Yogi Berra, Bill Dickey

The Red Sox are my sleeper pick.

This prediction comes in spite of their heavy losses in sluggers Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre.

If you asked me three years ago where Andruw Jones would be in 2011, I would rattle off a thousand different answers before settling on "A Major League baseball field."

Literally, 1,000 different answers. Gas station attendant. Universal Studios tour guide. Dave & Buster's skee ball maintenance man. Grifter. Anything but a big-league ballplayer.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim:

The Angels players, all personally offended by the public’s plea for outside help, will rally behind the return of Kendry Morales and Tim Salmon. 

Torii Hunter, who for so long called for Carl Crawford to become a Halo, will pretend he was happy with the roster all along.