MLB

Welcome back to the Shakedown!

Last week we introduced our latest “Monthly Mustache Shakedown” with a look at the “Best Hair & Mustache Combo.”

For week one we chose “The Big Mullet” Randy Johnson, just five wins away from 300, and a man who has consistently sported a fine Mississippi Waterfall-style mullet to compliment his fine looking labia sebucula (Latin for “lip sweater”).

Much is being made about the New York Yankees’ terrible start to the season, specifically the epic fail of their top two pitchers in their opening series against the Baltimore Orioles.

I get that the Yankees are the flagship franchise of Major League Baseball, so their struggles become instant ammunition for angry white journalists to fire off in prematurely-damning columns.

But is this really a question of the overpaid Yankees being that terrible, or the Baltimore Orioles being a much-improved club?

The other day, we gave necessary props to the Opening Day festivities at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia.  After all, they had professional ballplayers entering the ceremonies through the bleachers and no one got zinged in the melon by an item labeled “Duracell.”

Is this the way it's going to be? Down one day, up the next, down the day after that?  Let me know so I can take some motion sickness pills.

The Cardinals lost again last night to the Pirates, this time with St. Louis trying for late inning dramatics and failing.  One day after the high of an offensive explosion, the Redbirds again struggled, posting only two hits until late in the ballgame.