Humor

The Vampire Baseball Players Union today released a scathing report about the rash of broken bats taking place at MLB games all across the country. It has reached near epidemic proportions in recent years, with multiple bats per game shattering into dangerous shards of wood.

Vampire Union president Randy Johnson spoke out against the troublesome bats.

I sit here and realize I haven't written Part II to my thoughts about trading Albert Pujols. I just about started writing Part II right now, but it took a backseat to this.

I read Bernie Miklasz's "Bernie Bytes" just about everyday, and I like what that piece is about. He just writes for five minutes and comes up with masterpieces. It is incredible.

That lead me to writing this. So much is happening right now and I feel obliged to write about it and offer my thoughts...

First thought: Sweet Lou

The Setting: A Cleveland Indians publicist welcomes the sparsely scattered media to an Indians press conference. The club's owner, Larry Dolan, walks out and addresses them.

"Good afternoon, everybody. I called this press conference today to address the faithful fans of the Cleveland Indians."

"We are currently in the midst of another disappointing season, sitting in last place in the division and nearly 20 games from our rivals, The Detroit Tigers, and current division leaders, the Chicago White Sox."

I drive a Honda CRV.

It might be the first of its kind; it could be the prototype. There is nothing modern about it. The only gauge I have measures gas; mileage stacks up via flipping digits, and mechanical failures are indicated when the appropriate circle lights up red.

Some people call them idiot lights. That’s because when they glow, idiots wait a few weeks to see if they’ll go out—all by themselves.

FORT WORTH, TEJAS by Dr. Diz

Baseball’s halfway around the track.  Figured it’s time to look at some of the whoopsie-daisy moments that have occurred so far…

There have been many poor performances in sports history, but never has a player had a night this horrific. And it just so happened that 12-year old Keri Sterling’s nightmare of a game happened in front of a packed house at Angel Stadium in Anaheim, California and a nationwide audience on ESPN.  

One of the legendary baseball executives passed away today. At the age of 80, George Steinbrenner suffered a heart attack and died in a hospital in Tampa. It was a somber mood around baseball on the day of the All-Star Game, as everyone got the news of his death.

Well, it's that time of year again, time for MLB All Star Weekend.  This year, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, (do I really need to say that each time?) play host. 

Following Josh Hamilton's monster performance two years ago (I bet you already forgot that Justin Morneau actually won that Derby), and Prince Fielder's upset of Albert Pujols and St. Louis native Ryan Howard last year on the footsteps of the Gateway Arch, what could be expected for the most installment of the contest?

First off, I'd like to apologize to train wrecks everywhere for comparing them to Chad Qualls. 

Even watching two steamers crash in slow motion isn't as painful as watching the D-Backs' "closer" try to actually close out a game. 

The 31-year-old righty has an 8.60 ERA in 2010 thus far, but that doesn't even begin to explain just how bad he has been. 

Even in the games he actually does save, it's never a 1-2-3 inning (hence his 2.11 WHIP). 

Poor Niuman Romero. No one knew who he was until last night, and soon he will be forgotten.

Niuman, pronounced as Newman, was Kevin Youkilis' replacement Tuesday night as Youk left the game with a cramp in his ankle.

Let's just say, Romero's debut wasn't memorable. Today, Romero was designated for an assignment and was replaced by Ryan Shealy from Triple A Pawtucket.