Humor

Each year thousands of fans are dazzled by the one event that focuses on the most exciting aspect of baseball: Home Runs! And I thought it would be a fun idea to build my own Home Run Derby Dream Team, and take you, the readers, through an entire event.

It’s very easy, the setting is Wrigley Field (I’m a Cubs fan) and the rules are simple: 10 outs to each batter, the Top 4 batter move onto the second round, with the Top two batters advancing to the Finals.

Last night, I had the great pleasure of going to Progressive Field for the first time this year.

I saw a great game from great seats ($17 for front-row bleacher seats, thank you StubHub) with great weather (despite an ominous forecast).

However, as I strolled to my seat, I began to notice that many parts of the stadium were not how I remembered them.

For those Tribe fans who have not yet made a pilgrimage to the Prog, here's a list of what to expect.

ERA calculator has been fixed

Wednesday night was a good night for Phoenix sports. The Suns won their regular season finale and locked up the number three seed for the playoffs, the Coyotes won their playoff opener, and the Diamondbacks pulled off a come from behind/blown lead/extra inning victory over the evil Dodgers. And I missed most of it.

I should be used to it now, being "trapped" (and willingly so) by my other responsibilities of being a husband, dad, and worker. But still, the fan in me sometimes just wants to cry. Here is how my evening went:

As I sit here gazing at my complimentary Phillie of the Month calendar, a problem occurs to me: they’re all fully dressed.

What happened to equal opportunity, women’s liberation, and all the hints I sent last year? My husband buys a subscription to a crappy car magazine and gets a calendar with Marisa Miller scantily clad in a dozen seasonal plunge bras. I spend hundreds on a season ticket package and get a calendar with pictures I can find in my kid’s baseball card collection.

So a couple nights ago I'm dinking around on the computer, trying to figure out what my fantasy baseball team's pitching rotation is going to look like this year, when my buddy Paul texts me out of the blue to see if I want to go to the Tigers' home opener at Comerica Park.

"Oh, hells yes," I answer. I've never been to a Tigers game in my life before, and what better place to start than the '10 home opener?

The baseball season has begun in earnest on the South Side of Chicago, and like every team that has not sprung ahead to a division lead in the five or six games since the season started, the White Sox have been met with criticism for their seemingly lackluster start to the 2010 season.

Admittedly, I am one of those prone to being critical of the Sox, sometimes undeservedly so.

He may not necessarily be a person who should start for a professional baseball team, at all, but the Milwaukee Brewers' brand new catcher is probably one of the more entertaining members of the organization. This crazy awesome picture of him holding a huge fish is just one example of his uncanny ability to entertain.

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When the Phils lose, don’t get down. I’ve found that a really fun way to pass the time is to go to the pet shop, find a big cage of mice, and watch them fight for position on their wheel. Seriously. It’s hysterical. It doesn’t even take mind-altering drugs to enjoy a curious mouse getting damn near decapitated by an ambitious team on a wheel.

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that the temperature for an early season Red Sox game would break 50 degrees.

But 92 degrees with no humidity on April 7?

Can you say GLO-BAL WARM-ING?

Damn did I luck out or what? Not only did I get Red Sox-Yankees tickets, but the weather was more like August than April!

New York Mets slugger David Wright went yard in his first game of 2010 thanks to some new training techniques.

Wright teamed with Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino for a new Vitamin Water commercial that sheds light on his off-season regimen. Take a look.