Humor

If your dad needs money, go ask  Mickey Mantle. See what happens.
                  
Mickey Mantle don’t care about you. Why care about him?
                  
Nobody cares.

-Sonny "A Bronx Tale"

Everyday I lie in wait. Squirming at the HDTV in my house which plays ESPN, believing that a day will pass without hearing the name of another New York Met pulling up lame or contracting a peculiar strand of the flu.

I have previously mentioned in posts that I believe somewhere in a secret study, in a room hidden behind the 2008 championship trophy, Phillies GM Ruben Amato Jr is dressed in robes, decorated in face paint poking at voodoo dolls in certain Mets likenesses.

How much longer before he sticks a needle in David Wright's back?

The Phil’s streak was halted. I hate it when a fantasy comes to an end. That’s why I miss the 70’s. You can’t fault an era when everyone took it off and let it hang in the wind.

Now that’s an idea for a promotion at Citizens Bank Park—a different type of giveaway.  Trust me, when it comes to hot ballplayers, nothing excites me more than “giving it away,” but what if we didn’t “get” something?  What if we gave something up? 

I bleed red.

I think that’s the silliest way to proclaim your devotion to the Phils.

But my loyalty goes deeper. Not only do I bleed Phillie red, mine’s pinstriped—like a candy cane. And when it pools on the floor it forms a “P” and smells like “dollar dog night.”

The Big Unit May Be the Tallest, But He's Not the Last

Barring some truly unexpected development, Randy Johnson will become baseball's newest 300-game winner within the next couple of weeks. With no obvious candidates left to join the elite club, it's reasonable to ask if the Big Unit will be the last guy ever to win 300 games. 

An umpire’s job is a stressful one.  If he does his job properly, no one remembers him.  If he screws things up royally, it’s only then that his name makes the headlines.

Boston and Minnesota fans won’t forget young umpire Todd Tichenor’s name soon.

Praise Pete, the Phils won.  I couldn’t take anymore of my day.

First, I had to drive my husband 80 miles north so he could catch a bus to ride 80 miles back to Philly to see the game with 30 people who drink so infrequently they would forget their native tongue by the ninth inning. 

It is hard to believe, but Jose Canseco didn't tell us the entire story.

On Friday, May 29, 2009, breaking news came that 99.9 percent of Major League umpires have failed tests for numerous types of steroids and HGH.  It is also reported that other chemicals have been found that inflame the medulla oblongata resulting in massive anger issues.

It was just a couple short weeks ago that Milton Bradley was badly bashed for his comment about umps. 

Some players just irk me. Whether it be delaying an inevitable retirement (yes, I'm calling out Brett Favre in a slideshow for MLBers) or just failing at the game, these players are not worthy of a job at the professional level and should really just get out. Seriously.

This is my first slideshow and some of the players I—okay wait a second how is slideshow a misspelling? Way to fail, spell check. You too get out—criticize aren't totally deserving, and it is all in good humor. The reasoning will be real but a bit exaggerated.

Have you ever wondered what a group interview would be like if it was conducted by Major League Baseball general managers?  Would they bring in their free-agent targets, sit them down, and grill them with questions? 

With many Americans out of work and looking for a job, I thought it would be fun to take a light-hearted look at a potential group interview session.