Humor

The Voice Of Baseball: A Generation Of Quotes and Soundbites, Volume 1

Baseball generally is a silent sport. Unless you are a fan in the stands, the game is usually silent.

But the players do talk; sometimes during a game, sometimes after the game, and sometimes before the game.

It does not matter.

Baseball players have come up some of the best quotes and sound bites out there. So here is volume one of my favorite funny/somewhat serious baseball quotes.

Section Ten: Bob Uecker

After the announcement of the renaming of the Florida Marlins to the Miami Marlins, I can’t help but feel a bit alienated.

The Florida Marlins have always played in Miami-Dade County, but near the county line. Over the last decade, the embracing of the latin-inspired Miami culture has been apparent. Don’t ridicule me—I may be a gringo, but I’m all about juevos rancheros and salsa dancing.

By renaming the Marlins, the franchise is sending out a message to Broward and Palm Beach County fans. We’re not as important.

Baseball is not just a game, it can also be the point of some very good humor.

This is the first volume of my favorite baseball quotes. I hope you get a kick out of them as much as I did. I am still laughing at the Satchel Paige quotes.

The one about Aaron's advice to Dusty Baker when facing Bob Gibson is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Take a look and have fun with it.

Did you hear that last night?  That was the sound of Philadelphia starting to breathe again. 

After Cole Hamels took the mound, one thing was certain—there was no dust on the bottle. He had seven K’s in 95 pitches, sailing 2008-style through the game atop his 80 mile an hour changeup. Then in the sixth, he sent two batters to base on balls when his arm ran out of quarters. 

The Cardinals, Blue Jays and Orioles can teach us a whole lot about lovin’.  This article of mine first ran in 2 Magazine

Cardinal

Characteristics: Many amorous cardinal couples enjoy singing duets before renewing their quarter-mile-high-club memberships. It has been hypothesized that their singing helps to synchronize reproduction.

My dad said it best, “I went to a drug bust and a baseball game broke out.”

Actually, I think that’s a twist on an old Rodney Dangerfield line, but you get my point. 

First, start by taking all of your magazines with MLB predictions and burn them.

Next, grab your television, yank the cord from its socket, and throw it out a second-story window.

If you feel that is too harsh, then simply leave it on the street with a sign that reads “take me.”

Performing Enhancing Drugs, steroids, HGH, hGC, geez oh man. What is baseball coming to these days? Why is it that players need these things to play better?

Well I am not here to answer those questions. Heck no. I would feign an attempt to answer those questions. I am not a "baseballologist" (baseball+some kind of -ology+ scientist), so I have the slightest of ideas as to why players take the stuff.

In honor of the darkest period in baseball history, I bring to you the All-Steroid team. These guys are the cream of the BALCO crop.

These fine gentlemen have broken records.....and laws thanks to their timely hitting and needle sticking.

So sit back and enjoy the men who helped ruin baseball.

*Honorable mentions to Rafael Palmeiro, Miguel Tejada and Andy Pettitte

Manny, go ahead and tell me again. It’s just Manny being Manny. That phrase has turned out to be synonymous with “stupid is as stupid does.”

Instead, now we find maybe it’s nothing more than Manny being juiced.