Humor

As an athlete and in most things I do, I consider myself to be a middle of the packer. An average hitter, with average speed (in my day of course) and an arm maybe slightly above average.

As a distance runner, the thoroughbreds win, the plow horses bring up the rear and I am at best a Clydesdale. And in football, the half back scored, the full back opened the holes and I was a situational back.

Selena Roberts is coming out with a new tell-all book about Alex Rodriguez.

I haven’t read the book and only have heard tiny bits of information.  So far, it sounds like it doesn't have one ounce of journalistic value.

God bless the Yankees and their decision to slash premium seat prices. Now, a family of four can enjoy premium seats for another Chien Ming Wang shelling at just under the blue-book value of a 1999 Pontiac Grand Am.

It's time for the Mets to take very drastic measures in fixing their bullpen.  Get rid of it!  Keep JJ Putz and Fransisco Rodriguez and dump the rest.  Forget the righty, lefty match-ups and dump them all. 

Think I am crazy don't you? Just wait, it gets better.

Instead of five starters, the two backups in the minors that usually are called up, just have nine to ten starters on the team.  That way, you have eleven pitchers, nine of them starters and two of them closers. 

Just follow.

What's cookin', fellas? Shoot, the ball we playin' now just ain't cuttin' it.

Honestly, I'm fit to be tied. Personally, I'm playin' real well, still jackin' a ton of bombs and all that, but this damn team can’t stop losin'.

We're 4-15, geez, that’s even worse than when I was playin in Cinci!

Washington, jump on the bandwagon.

The Nationals acquired bonafide stud in Logan Kensing from the Florida Marlins on Wednesday, just three days after the Marlins designated him for assignment.

Washington shored up the worst bullpen in the National League by adding Kensing, who will go in and compete for the newly open closer position.

Kensing has dominated in his six games with Florida! In seven-and-a-third innings, he allowed eight runs on 14 hits and his control has been pinpoint accurate, walking five batters for a phenomenal 2.59 WHIP.

With all the talk of new stadiums and owners' greed in the New York area recently, a fast-growing problem is flying under the radar. I am talking about, of course, fans who can't catch.

When Fernando Tatis's home run went to the replay booth Wednesday afternoon, it marked the second time in a month that New York fans found themselves the victim of one of these butterfingered rooters.

For some reason, stadium designers love to give the fans the opportunity to reach out and possibly interfere with the ball.

Julio Lugo returned to the starting lineup tonight, marking the end of Wes Welker's stint as starting SS for the Red Sox. Welker filled in admirably for Jed Lowrie when the starter went down with a wrist ailment and later settled for surgery. Hitting in the nine-spot, Welker was able to maintain a .298 average with seven RBI and seven runs scored.

For millions of people across this great country, the first month of baseball season is one of the most anticipated times of the year.

It is a time when fans of any team can put the cold winter offseason behind them and, for at least a short while, have a glimmer of hope not only toward the new season but the upcoming spring and summer months.

For me, however, baseball season signifies something else. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I have something to admit. I am one of the saddest creatures ever put on this planet. I am a diehard Chicago Cubs fan. 

Considering the Phillies are having some pitching trouble this year I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane to remember some of the truly awful Phillies pitchers of my youth.  There certainly are a lot of arms to choose from, and perhaps I'll canonize one a week or so until the Phils turn things around, but I'm starting with the inimitable Joe Cowley.