Humor

The resent, okay lets not kid ourselves, and past misfortunes the New York Mets have had really have left Mets fans scratching their heads. “Why our team?” they ask.  How can the Mets keep fielding a solid team yet find ways to miss the playoffs, even if seems like they have locked the division up?

Opening Day is fast approaching and this is the time all the MLB writers throw out their previews and predictions. So why not me?

In the following article, use the If...Then conditional statement and apply it to all teams if they fail to make it to the postseason.

In other words: "If the [insert team here] don't make the playoffs..."

American League

Tamba Bay Rays: ...then we'll go back to believing baseball can't thrive in Florida.

Well something strange happened. It is actually pretty funny, too. I'd like to talk about it. This is the talk. The Orioles Talk, that is. Isaac Barrow, I hope you enjoy this one. Laugh your heads off on this one.

Disclaimer:This article is more mean't for humor with predictions thrown in, and yes the Mets will probably get called choke artists somewhere in the article. Sorry Metropolitan-Fans, but don't let a two year old swallow an orange or he, like the Mets, will choke.

Second verse, same as the first, only the Senior Circuit gets left to face my odd sense of humor.

Atlanta Braves

Forget those sun-faded glossy photos that are autographed by your favorite star, like A-Rod or Charles Barkley. You can now own real history, if you have the cash to put on the camera lens.

Memory Lane, Inc. (not that old fancy hamburger chain?) is selling off some of the artwork that adorned unknown walls over the years (not the Green Monster?). One item jumps out like the Curse of the Bambino come to life.

Every year I do this.

I will pick two or three things out for each team that most people won't pay attention to when it happens, unless they get big enough for the average fan to care.

Let’s start off with the American League.

Baltimore Orioles

Nick Markakis will emerge as an MVP candidate, but since he's not A-Rod, he won't get votes, although Baltimore will finish better than A-Rod's Rangers did.

When one begins discussing the best Simpsons episodes of all time, there are several that shouldn't be overlooked.

You can't go without "Monorail," the one where Mr. Burns finds his stuffed Bobo, or the "Itchy and Scratchy Movie."

For baseball purposes, it’s quite clear that “Homer at the Bat” is the greatest of all-time.

But this is an episode that needs to be re-made with today's players.

Cole Hamels most likely won't be on the mound when Opening Night comes around next Sunday for the Philadelphia Phillies.

His trip from sunny Clearwater to Philadelphia last week to see doctors about his elbow tightness means he won't debut until the team's fourth game against Colorado.

David Price won't open the 2009 season with the Tampa Bay Rays.

He will be in the minors, where the Rays will closely monitor his early-season workload hopefully he will be fresh for the dog days of summer.

It’s one day before the season opener, 2009. 

High above the streets of Boston, in a dimly lit office late at night, Theo Epstein sits alone at his desk. The door is locked, the curtains behind him are drawn, and before him on the desk there lies a single sheet of paper: folded once, dog-eared, and faintly yellowed from five years in a locked drawer. 

As you were at second base, you realized you had a shot at an inside the park homerun. You were in a rush to cross home plate because you weren't sure if you were dealing with a rookie or a switch-hitter.

But before you could get to the seventh inning stretch, you were stopped by a rain delay. When it was all said and done you wound up getting a relief pitcher and bunting.

Sounds like a bunch of baseball jargon, right?