It's the middle of the week. Work is boring. You're girlfriend didn't wear make-up today. All ESPN is talking about it Brett Favre and Tim Tebow.

You need something to cheer you up.

That's where I come in. This article is promised to brighten your day—money back guaranteed!

Disclaimer—these are all completely heterosexual. I have a girlfriend.

Portions of this article originally appeared on Vype.com and vype.com/dfw.

With the Giants quickly slipping out of contention, a cloud of grief is rolling into the hills of San Francisco like the city's trademark fog.

After four years of losing records and finishing towards the bottom of the anemic NL West, the Giants emerged as contenders this year when their pitching became, more often than not, good enough to compensate for their abysmal hitting.

But with a 27-27 record since the All-Star Break, the Giants have descended back to relative mediocrity. They've maintained their great pitching, with a team ERA of 3.35 over the past 30 days.

In a season where the disabled list meant more than the lineup card, the Mets decided to auction off their disabled list at a charity event on Friday night.

For any who might wonder, all 30 teams are required to keep a physical list of all the players who get hurt and document the day of injury, the diagnosis, the day of surgery or start of rehab, and the day the player gets back to the team. 

Earlier this week, the Pirates lost their 82nd game of the season, thus assuring that their record will be under .500 at season's end.

Astute fans have noticed that this is no ordinary losing season--this is the Pirates' 17th consecutive year of mediocrity.

A good Hall of Fame doesn't just collect the best of the best. That's why we all think Ron Santo belongs in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. Santo is not an elite player, not one of the true greats of the game's history, but he exemplifies, no embodies what baseball should be all about. He hustled; he had fun playing the game; he showed intensity, even fire. And he also did everything well on both sides of the ball.

You know the Toronto Blue Jays are having a bad season when they start shattering records for attendance, but not in the good way. This week had two of the lowest attended games in Blue Jay history as Toronto squared off against the Minnesota Twins.

The onset of the NFL season has pretty much insured that only the hardiest of Jays fans are still paying attention. Personally, I've done my best impression of a corpse just trying to find something to write about. It's like trying to get a straight answer from Elton John (he's gay).

In a stunning turn of events, the New York Yankees are reportedly "very close" to signing highly sought-after left-handed pitcher Barack Obama to a multi-year contract.

Pending a team physical, Obama is expected to join the team following the All-Star break.

It is currently unknown whether he will assume the starting role once held by Chien-Ming Wang—who has been on the disabled list since July 5 with a strained right shoulder—or push the struggling Joba Chamberlain back into the bullpen.

After tossing a doughnut in the 2009 Home Run Derby, Brandon Inge has played himself into a nice income opportunity.

Krispy Kreme, the home of the most delicious heart attack in North America, has reportedly moved in quickly signing the position-less wonder to an endorsement contract.

Inge failed to hit a single ball out of the park during the Derby, cranking consistent singles to left and center fields.

Thankfully for Inge, he avoided the embarrassment felt by the last Derby-related endorsement deal.

Some of us baseball aficionados definitely need to get a life.

When we're not sitting around endlessly speculating on whether or not the Blue Jays are going to trade superstar pitcher Roy Halladay, we're sitting around figuring out ever more creative ways to waste time on the Great American Pastime.

What follows may be a winner—in terms of wasting time.